Category: Let's talk
have you ever been in a supermarket and seen someone's child acting up and thought ... god that woman so cannot control her child, my child will never behave like that. or have you ever passed a homeless person begging on the street and thought, why the hell doesn't he just get a job like the rest of us, or a drunk coming out of a pub swearing and thought .. I'd never act like that. Just a few examples, but why is it, that when people do not conform to the standards we are used to or demand, we deem them to be less worthy than ourselves?
I try not to judge people because you never know if it is a regular occurance or what the persons circumstances are. I must admit that I tend to think about it and make a judgment in my head but then I usually speculate as to why they are doing what they are doing and realize that it could be anything and I am no one to judge because i am not that person.
its something that we all do though isn't it? i mean not even on such a big scale as sugarbaby meant even. i did an assertiveness coarse a few years a go and we were told that sited people form an opinion about a person that they are meeting for the first time in 37 seconds! based soully on how said person appears to them at the time! i'm not sure where they get this research from or how they get it but the point is that we all make snap judgements about others all the time!
it is something that we can conciously stop ourselves from doing this is true. but the point is that if we have to make a concious effort not to do it then it must be instictive that we do do it! i guess the only reason for that is because back in our dim and distent passed, when we were a much more primative bunch, it was very important to us to establish early on weather or not we could trust someone or something!
that's the best i can do with the explinations! lol.
yeh I saw that somewhere as well. it has something to do with the contours of the face. so I guess that would explain why say someone who has a massive hooked nose, or a scar on one cheak would be deemed to be less trustworthy .. not that they necessarily are, but that that's how they are perceived.
I mainly try to judge people based on there behavior, and how they carry themselves. I think that someone's attitude says it all, at least most of the time. I also know that some people put on a front, or don't show their true colors, so one needs to be carful not to judge to harshly or too quickly.
ah but aren't putting up a front and not showing true colours two different things? after all, some people just don't reveal everything until they get to know someone, don't open up ... etc, whereas some people pretend to be something they're not, and that equates more closely to showing true colours ..
Oppinions are like arseholes, everyone has one. I think Clint Eastwood said that in a film/movie once. And how true is it? In my experience very. People have been judgmental in the past, when I was a musician, saying I needed to get off my lazy arse and get a job. People are judgmental about my relationship with charis, people are judgmental about ... anything and everything. People not so far removed from the original poster of this topic too! So yeah, people are people, and we all have oppinions about everything, the most important thing to do is just be your self. The only person we all have to answer to in the end, is our selves, and if people can't accept us for who we are, then it's their problem, not ours! ok You need to be a strong person to think and act like that, but hey it's a big bad world out there, and that's the way it is. So let 'em make their assumptions, let 'em think what the hell they like, we know the truth about our selves, even those who don't face up to it lol. And that's the main thing. WE are who we are, and nothing, and no-one can change that but our selves.
We judge others because we cannot see ourselves objectivily
Well, it is true to an extent that the only person you are accountable to for your actions is yourself, however, that scenario changes when your actions have consequences to others. For example, there has been a situation in the news recently where a family of girls aged 12, 14, and 16, all had babies. The mother of those children would have brought them up in a certain way, and there are some that say that is up to her how she brings up her kids. However, the decisions she took, i.e. letting her 12 year old have sex with her boyfriend in her house, resulted in that 12 year old becoming pregnant and having a baby at an age where she is not really ready to become a parent. And although there are some that might say that if the girl hadn’t had sex at home she might have done it somewhere else anyway, the fact remains that her mother brought about a situation which resulted in her daughter having a baby. Therefore, one might see fit to judge the way the mother acted in this situation and effectively, the mother should be accountable for the way she raised her children, and the consequences that brought about.
As for people that judge relationships, well people will generally have opinions about a relationship that is out of the ordinary, or where one or other partner is in a situation that we could never imagine ourselves being in. for instance, a woman who stays with an abusive partner we often label as being stupid for staying, and the partner we label as being … well all sorts for the way he treats his partner. If a relationship is out of the ordinary, i.e., for instance if both partners live in separate countries, people form the view that the likelihood of them actually being able to be together is very slim. That opinion can be born out of various different factors, i.e. what countries are involved so whether or not the likelihood of one or other partner being able to gain a visa to live there is possible, also the fact that most people cannot see themselves uprooting and moving countries to be with a perspective partner, after all, if things don’t work out it’s not quite as easy if you’re stuk on your own in a foreign country with no support, and potentially not enough money to fly home again. Also if there are children involved the family of the partner taking on the children might have views on the matter. After all taking on someone else’s children is not something which is taken lightly, and I applaud anyone who can do it, although I think often that people don’t realize what they’re taking on until it has happened. But often family will object because they are then also expected to become surrogate family to said children and that is something they might not feel ready to do. And again people often cannot put themselves in that situation and might feel they themselves could never take on someone else’s kids. Of course these are only views which are formed by other people, and there’s nothing that says those views are right or wrong, the only way people can prove them wrong is by following through on the intentions to be together, if that happens, people often will back track and say, “well we never thought it would work, but we’re so glad it did”, and if it doesn’t happen, then sadly, all too often, they will turn around and say “I knew it would never work”.
and df you have a point, but sometimes others judge us because we cannot see ourselves objectively and others can.
In the case of the drunk did he need to drink himself into that state..and yes I've been in a supermarket struggling with a naughty child,and been given the grief from mothers, whose little angels were also causing havoc...we judge because we would rather die than admit our faults to ourselves, we exaggerate the importance of our position in life,and put oursevles on pedestals of perfection and a lot of it is down to the poor self image and self esteem of those who judge.
No one ever does anything that doesn't benafit self first. That I promiss you is the truth. Care to give an exsample, and I will show you how it benafitted self first.
People judge because it's easy and a cheap way to build one's own self-image or self-esteem. Why sit and contemplate your own flaws or look in the mirror when you can look at a fat person or a drunk or an unruly child and make them the target. I dunno if this is valid psychology or just pop fluff cutesy psychology, but I've heard it said that we hate people because they have attributes we hate in ourselves. I also agree with DF that most people are motivated to do anything because of how it will benefit themselves on any level. It sounds cynical, but human nature isn't always a fluffy-bunny thing.
Those lucky "perfect" individuals in the human race,simply cannot function without a good dose of escapisim..
Goblin, if there are any perfect individuals in the human race, they don't exist, even if they appear perfect.
did you fail to notice the inverted commas I deliberately placed around the word...
Yep, I did. The screen reader is not set to read all punctuation, as that would be annoying to the extreme.
yes it would I apolgise..smile